There Are Always Bumps in the Road

Well, we’ve had to cancel our fourth IUI. I went in for my third ultrasound and bloodwork yesterday and the ultrasound still showed many little follicles. Three had reached maturity, but three more were right on the edge of reaching maturity. There is no way to tell if those three would reach maturity before we triggered ovulation so as we sat down in the consult room, the nurse gave me the high risk multiples talk.

As I sat there listening to her say words like high risk obgyn, selective reduction and three or more babies, my gut instantly told me no. Because we had three that were ready, we are in the gray area. We were given the option to move forward with the IUI or opt out. Totally up to us. The possibility for triplets are more is actually a pretty low percentage, but it’s there. They gave us until lunchtime to talk it over and then we had to decide. If we were going to do the IUI we would have had to trigger ovulation that day. We both felt in our gut that it was better to opt out now, than have to be faced with an even more difficult decision down the road.

It’s not about not wanting more than one or two children, but about what’s comfortable for us. Infertility has a lot of gray areas. Generally, I sort of like the gray areas. I like when things are not totally black or white, but not with this. It’s too heartbreaking to think about tough decisions when we’ve already had to make so many of those.

So that was it. Whole cycle is cancelled. No triggering ovulation,  no trying ‘naturally’ – nothing this month. Yesterday I would have told you it was a waste, but today I’m trying harder to see the good in it. We know I can stimulate very easily on some of the lowest doses of medicine. And that I can produce a good amount of follicles. We didn’t spend nearly as much as some do on the medicine (however the bloodwork is a different story) so it didn’t really set us back too much.

I spent a good chunk of yesterday crying, immediately went to Starbucks for caffeine when I found it our cycle was cancelled and drank wine after work. Figured I might as well enjoy of the few things I had given up for this injection cycle! It helped and we’re doing better today. Fortunately, Jordan is the steady, positive rock in all of this. My realist mind gets the best of me combined with raging hormones. 🙂 I’m thankful we’re in this together.

What’s next? Probably the ‘big guns.’ IVF.  IVF is the process of fertilization by manually combining an egg and sperm in a laboratory dish, and then transferring the embryo to the uterus. It’s way more intensive, but they say I’d be the perfect candidate for it given how easily I can produce follicles with medicine. The success rate is also much higher than IUI. I’m probably calling this week to find out when we can get in as they’re already booking to October.

I’ve known this from the beginning, but infertility is not easy. There are always bumps in the road. Things never go as planned. You can do everything right and it may not work, but we’ll keep trying!

As always, thanks for your support and love. I’ll continue to keep you updated.

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