I Could Never

I could never.

I used to say that. I used to think that. I used to say, “I could never give myself a shot. I would pass out.” And here I am injecting myself with hormones everyday.

I used to say, “I would hate to have to ‘time it out’ just to try to get pregnant. I could never do that.” There we were, using an app on my phone to time things out just right.

I distinctly remember going on runs with Jordan just a few summers ago (okay, you caught me, more like 2-3 mile jogs) and we’d talk about the future. It’s where we first decided when we’d start trying. He probably doesn’t remember it, but I do. Like it was yesterday. Given my history with my monthly friend, I thought we might have some problems, although you never anticipate the extreme. I remember saying, “I could never do IVF. If we can’t get pregnant, I can’t forsee us doing that.” He agreed. But, here we are. Signed up to start IVF in November. And we’re excited for it, ready for it.

Now I say, “I can do that. If it’s for a baby, I can give myself those shots.”

Now I say, “I can suffer through this sick feeling, it’s the hormones.”

Now I say, “It’s all worth it. Every shot. Every pill. Every appointment. I can do this.”

It changes you. Infertility changes you. You learn you can do things you never thought possible. You learn to say, “I can.” 

ican

{Post idea from fellow blogger (although, admittedly I’m not sure I can call her a fellow blogger if she doesn’t know who I am, ha!) Katherine, Inconceivable. Mine’s a little different perspective of the “I can,” more so the “I can do it” mantra, but none the less, inspired from her posts. If you’re interested, check out her blog. She’s been through a lot on the IF island (that’s a common reference to the world of infertility) and her story is inspiring. Thanks for the inspiration, Katherine!}

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