Are You Okay?

I don’t get asked that question as often as you might think. In fact, it’s usually, “How’s the whole pregnancy thing going?” And that’s just fine. That’s a good way to ask, and I don’t mind if you ask at all {I mean, clearly, I have a blog about it}. In fact, it’s good because I can usually give you that matter-of-fact medical answer to update you and let you know that I am surviving {which is true, I am most days}.

But once in a while, I get the question, “Are you okay?” And I know. I know that person is asking if I’m truly going to be okay that day because something happened that might trigger a sad response in a less-than-fertile person. But, boy does it make me tear up. Not in a bad way, just in a way that I think, “I can’t believe that person knew to ask me that right now.” 100% of the time, they’re right. I am not okay. At least for that time being.

It doesn’t really matter what the trigger is or is not, but if you are reading this and have experienced infertility, you know. Usually when someone asks me if I’m okay, my heart is aching. It’s a literal ache, too. The kind that makes you feel a little sick to your stomach and want to curl up in bed with your favorite TV show and a pint of ice cream. It’s the kind of ache that prevents you from getting as much done as you should that day because your mind is wandering, thinking. Those are the days I could probably best describe how it feels to be deemed ‘infertile.’ I’m grumpy. I might be more quiet than usual. I want to just bury my head in a giant sweatshirt and not come out for days.

But then, someone asks. They ask if I’m really okay. And now I answer honestly. I usually say, “No, not today, but I will be tomorrow. And thank you for asking.” When it’s happened, it’s seriously turned around my entire day. {Okay, full disclosure, that and a bottle of wine.}

So I guess what I’m saying is, don’t be afraid to ask me if I’m okay, or anyone else you know that might be struggling. Just be prepared for the answer — it might be hard to hear, but I promise you’ll help turn that person’s day around. And maybe prevent them from eating all of the Ben and Jerry’s.

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