Cue the Gasps. I Don’t Know What to Say.

I find myself wanting to write lately, but really unsure of what to say. {I know, cue the gasps.} I always have an opinion and I’m usually not afraid to voice it. But it’s not really about not having anything to say. In fact, I’ve started three different blog posts and didn’t finish them because it wasn’t ‘coming out’ like I envisioned.

I think my thoughts are so tangled right now with the anticipation of IVF starting next week that I just don’t know how to process it all. It’s just so BIG. The whole damn thing. I mean, we go to this appointment next week, lay down a huge chunk of money for a 40%-53% chance we’ll get a live child out of it. It’s overwhelming when I think of it like that. I see the end result, I see the happiness, but it feels really far away and I just know there is a lot ahead. A lot of shots, a lot of appointments a lot of “what if’s.”

I try not to be too distracted thinking about it all, but now that it’s 6 days away, it’s really hard. I’ve been distracting myself with extra work and Netflix binges, and making sure I have plans, but the thoughts creep into my mind often. When I’m working. When I’m driving. When I’m walking. When I’m trying to sleep.

And like I said, I have a lot of thoughts, messages, ideas I want to voice, but that’s just it. There’s so much I want to say, and so many feelings, it’s hard to really know exactly what to say. {I heard you all gasp again. Don’t think I can’t hear it through this computer. :)}

So just hold on for the ride, okay? I’ve brought you all on as passengers in this crazy and very unpredictable journey. I know you’ll hang on. You have so far and we are more appreciative than we can every really express.

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