Auld Lang Syne

It’s really hard to look back on this year and summarize it in one blog post, or in just a few paragraphs. I mean, how do you take such big feelings and moments, and squeeze them into one single post?

In one sense, I’m ready to bring 2015 to a close. Excited that it’s December 31st. But, truthfully, I’m  having a hard time letting go of 2015 even though it was one of our hardest years yet. Sure, 2016 brings new opportunities, we’re doing another IVF and trying new medicine, but I think I’ve realized that letting go of this year and moving to the next means I really have to move on. I’m having a hard time letting go of the babies that never were. Everything happened so fast this month between our IVF and the holidays, I’m not sure I’ve had enough time to process all of it. And then suddenly, the New Year is here and I feel I’m running a race, but I’m at the back of the pack trying to catch up with everyone else {yeah you caught me, when I’m not running a metaphorical race this happens too}.

I also know that just because we start a new year, doesn’t mean the pain goes away. It’ll always be there. Lurking. Waiting for trigger moments. And I guess I feel like I’m supposed to instantly ‘feel better’ because it’s the New Year. And I’m just not quite there.

Apparently I’ve been super into song metaphors lately because I started thinking about Auld Lang Syne.

The Scottish song translates to, “Times Gone By.” One translation expresses that the song references love and kindness that was experienced in the past and gives listeners a sense of union and belonging to bring with them into the future. If you’re a fan of “When Harry Met Sally” you can translate the song as being about old friends.

Should old acquaintance be forgot, and never brought to mind?

I guess for me, this year, I’m translating it to mean that I can’t forget this past year, even though we’re moving onto a new one. And that’s okay. I shouldn’t forget. Old acquaintance shouldn’t be forgotten.

But I also shouldn’t be stuck in the back of the pack forever. I’ll catch up. Soon enough. I always do.

2016 will bring new challenges and new hope. I’m don’t know if I’m ready for all of it, to do it all over again, but who really is ever ready? What’s most important, is that we have the best people by our side, God, and each other. With that, we can take on 2016 in all it’s glory – good, bad or otherwise.

Tonight, we’ll close out the year toasting with some wonderful people by our side and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

So here’s to 2016.

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4 thoughts on “Auld Lang Syne

  1. So proud of the woman you are Ashley -I feel very fortunate to know you and learn from you. Wishing you and Jordan many blessings in the New Year.

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  2. I just recently started reading your blog. You have a gift for writing. I am sorry for your struggles. It doesn’t make sense to you now, it may never make sense why you are going through this. Sometimes we never get an explanation. Will it make you appreciate your future child more? Probably, but you will still get angry and overwhelned with them. I do know rhat it is easy to take things/life out on your spouse and to slowly grow apart. Dont forget about eachother. Try not to focus so much on having a baby that you no longer focus on the love you amd Jordan already share. I can only hope and pray that your prayers will be answered this year. I still picture you girls as little Ashley and Amy, but you both have grown into amazing, strong women. Happy New Year Ashley!

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    1. Thanks, Tera! Fortunately, we’re growing closer because of all this and doing great. We know we have to remember to take time for ourselves in all this craziness! We had some wonderful role models growing up and thankful your family was such a big part of that! Happy New Year to you all too 🙂

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