Twenty-Nine

29. That’s the age at which I would already have one child, maybe another on the way. At least that’s what my 16-year-old self always said. Ha! I laugh in that teenage face now.

I’ve always been a life planner. If you know me well, you know I’m not organized, and I’m pretty go-with-the-flow for plans. Should we go shopping instead of to a movie? Sure! Let’s eat at Qudoba instead of making dinner. Obviously. But try to change my life plan on me? I’m not as flexible.

You see, I’ve had it down since I was young.

I was going to graduate from high school with good grades. Check.
I was going to go to undergrad for music performance {wait that didn’t happen — yeah, it was a big life change, but hey, it worked out} communications. Check.
I was going to get a good internship or two. Check. 
I was going to graduate undergrad. Check. 
I was going to get a job. Check. 
I was going to get married, specifically at age 24, but not until after I graduated college. Check. {Fortunately, I really liked Jordan and met him young or else that may not have been so easy. ;)}
I was going to have kids at probably around ages 28 and 30. Check.  Wait. What the hell happened!? 

I don’t do well when the universe messes with my life plan. I know, I know. It’s not ever really been my plan. There is definitely someone bigger in charge. I believe that.

So as I sat there wondering how I’d feeling turning 29 and not meeting my life plan goal, yet again, I realized it didn’t really matter anymore. I just don’t care. All I care about is having a family – someday, somehow. It’s not about how we have a baby or child, it’s not about when we have a baby. It’s about sticking together in the now so that we’re still strong  in the future. We’re in the thick of it right now. I probably won’t look back at 28 or 29 and say they were the easiest years. But that’s okay. I don’t think they were supposed to be.

So I’m adding something new to my life plan.

Beat infertility.

To be completely honest, I don’t know if we’ll beat it. This might be one that I don’t get to check off the list. Maybe it’ll be one that I cross out, but I add something else that gets us closer to our family.

Either way, I am damn sure going to try to make 29 the year that I beat infertility.

 

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