Zombies = Love

People keep asking what we’re doing for Valentine’s Day and my answer is, “Walking Dead starts back up again, so we might watch that if we can stream it live.” Winners for the most romantic couple ever? #ithinkso

The most celebration we have done is the first year we were together and Jordan attempted to get me flowers but didn’t realize they sold out day of if you didn’t order ahead, or the years we’ve ordered pizza. Ha! I think we used to get each other cards? Maybe? We’ve been together so long I can’t remember anymore.

Truthfully {and if you really know us, you already know this} we’re not really the most romantic couple and never really have been in the past, either. It’s just not our thing. But I I thought maybe this year, of all years, Jordan deserved something. It’s not a card, and it’s certainly not the giant 5/3 burger I thought about sending him one year {I shouldn’t have even mentioned this, now he’ll wish it was the burger instead of a note}, but it’s a shout out he more than deserves.

I’ve written {public} letters to our tribe and to our future baby, but I realized, I have never written one to him. So here it goes {even though I’m probably going to have to tell him that I wrote him a note on here since he doesn’t keep up on the blog, ha!}

Jordan – 

Every time I go to try to write this, I have to start all over again. I have a hard time putting into words how I feel because I feel so much. And not in that cheesy-I’m -so- in-love-with-you way, but more so because I just feel an immense amount of gratitude to have you by my side and as my husband. Sure, that’s cheesy too, but seriously, I couldn’t do this without you. I would crumble and would have the hardest time putting the pieces back together. 

I feel like I get a lot of “credit” in this whole thing because I’m the one being poked and prodded at the doctor’s office all the time, growing those eggs and physically feeling each month’s failure. I am deemed the “strong one” more often than not. But I have to imagine it’s hard, sitting on the sidelines, watching your best friend fall to pieces every time something goes wrong. Not only that, but I know you’re hurting too, even if you don’t say it, yet you pick me up every single time. 

It’s not about you sending me flowers, but it’s the way you come and sit next to me on the couch when I’m crying because I am so overcome with worry about what’s going to happen next. It’s not about you holding my hand in public, but it’s about how hard you squeezed my hand during our transfer when we found out we only had two embryos left. It’s about every single shot you gave me, every single doctor’s appointment you sat through, and every lame dinner you have sat through these past two years because I was too nauseous from the medicine to make anything but eggs. It’s the way you dressed in scrubs, without question, to be with me in the room for our transfer. And it’s the look in your eyes every time you tell me, “Whatever happens, we will have a family.” 

We’re far from perfect. You still do things that annoy me. And God knows I do things that annoy you. We’re opposites, and both stubborn, so that’s bound to continue. But the faith I have in you to keep me, or us, grounded means more than any of that. 

I think it’s easy to say that I love you. That’s just a given and I say it everyday. But I often less say that I’m grateful for the times you’ve played nurse. I less often say that I am appreciative for the way you cheer me up when I’m feeling the weight of infertility. I am in awe of how blessed I am to have you by my side in all of this and I really, truly feel that no matter what happens, I am safe because you are in this with me. 

Thank you for genuinely loving me in sickness and in health, but also, for  being a friend to me when I’ve needed it most. 

I love you!

P.S. Now let’s celebrate the day by watching some zombies {more technically, walkers} tear each other apart tonight on The Walking Dead. 

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