Bluebird

Do you believe in signs? I’m not talking about the everyday signs, or the signs that signal something what might happen next in a given situation. I mean the signs that make you pause. I’m talking about the signs that make you realize the world is bigger than yourself.

I had one of those today.

I was in a gift shop, looking to purchase something for someone else, and on a table was this really beautiful children’s book. I like books, so I always look, but with kid’s books, I usually look for a second and turn away {triggers get the best of me}, but I immediately noticed the title on this book. It was called, “Bluebird.” It caught my breath and I just stared at it for a minute.

For family reading this, you know that, Grandpa Brott sort of became famous for building bluebird houses shortly before he got sick. I’m not talking just one or two here and there.  I’m talking so many bluebird houses that you don’t even know what to do with them all. Since then, bluebirds always remind me of him.

When I saw this book, I thought of Grandpa Brott {by the way, his nickname was Birdie}. It was like in that second, seeing this bluebird book, made me think he was telling me it was all going to be okay. No matter what happens, it’ll be okay. I opened the book to read, because I thought, “Maybe it’s not really a sign. Maybe it’s just a weird children’s book that happens to be called Bluebird.” But when I read it, I was convinced otherwise. The book is about this little bluebird that can’t fly because he can’t find its friend, the wind, and he really needs the help of the wind to fly. By the end of the book, the bluebird goes to the tallest building, finds the wind and can fly.

I stood there, reading this book with tears in my eyes. Sometimes I feel like the bluebird. I feel like I’m flapping my wings, trying to fly and trying to get somewhere, anywhere, but I can’t. Grandpa really was like the wind for all of us, especially us grandchildren. He was at every sporting event, every musical, everything and anything to support us. He lifted us up and bragged to everyone about how great his grandchildren all were. He was so proud of each and every one of us.

Sometimes I wish he were here for all of this because, as odd as it would be to explain this whole infertility thing to him, I know he’d be lifting me up every step of the way. He knew me, too. Much better than I ever realized. He once told me before I decided what college I was going to attend, that I should go to WMU because he thought I’d like it and fit in well. I blew him off. “Grandpa, I don’t want to go there. Pshh.” What do you know, I ended up at WMU and have no regrets, other than that I didn’t start there. When I felt really bad, or down, he’d be there. There was this Christmas that I felt so sick and he just hung out and cuddled with me the whole day. I don’t know what he would have done in this whole infertility mess, but I do feel like he would have supported me in any way possible.

I’m writing this with tears in my eyes because don’t think it’s a coincidence that I found that book today, the only copy all by itself, a day before we start our second round of IVF. I truly believe it’s a sign. A reminder that he’s still with us, cheering us on. I bought it and can’t wait to read it to our child one day, while telling them all about their Great Grandpa Birdie.

Thank you, Grandpa, for being my wind today. You have no idea how much I’ve needed it.

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3 thoughts on “Bluebird

  1. Ashley you have me sobbing … but I do believe! So glad you had your eyes open, your heart open and were able to accept your sign. Your supports and angels are all around you, but some days they are harder to see than others. Blessings to you always.

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  2. Ashley, take another look at the bird in the wallhanging I brought over… you probably didn’t hear me say “Grandpa Brott” through me choking back the words.

    Like

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