What You Can’t See

I was listening to a podcast today and it was about home videos. More specifically, what you don’t see in the ‘background’ of the home video. You see the happy, and usually only the happy. They talked about how you see kids playing in the pool, opening presents at Christmas, but maybe you didn’t see the fight between the kids that happened before that. Or the fit the child threw because they didn’t get the gift they wanted.

It got me thinking about IVF. I’ve been taking photos everyday to try to journal this second IVF journey. What you see is a photo of shots, or me smiling holding up a shot. While the photos are truthful and accurate to what’s happening {as weird as it sounds, sometimes I’m excited to take the shot because I know it’s one step closer}, you can’t see the emotion behind each photo. 

What you can’t see, is the flinch that comes with each shot.
What you can’t see, is how physically exhausted I am each day from injecting myself with hormones.
What you can’t see, is the hesitation I have before I give myself each shot.
What you can’t see, is the way my hands shake when I’m pull the liquid from the vial.
What you can’t see, are the bruises from hitting the wrong spot.
What you can’t see, is the anxiety that comes with not knowing how this will all turn out.
What you can’t see, is the worry that comes with shot.

What you can’t see, is the hope with every shot.
What you can’t see, is what I see. The possibility of a future with a family. Our family. 

It’s funny, right? How much can be packed into one photo? What you can’t see? I think the real, the invisible in photos it what really makes them beautiful.

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2 thoughts on “What You Can’t See

  1. I always liked doing the injections. But I’m not scared of needles and find the whole IVF thing fascinating. What tore me up inside and turned me inside out was doing pregnancy tests! So much hope and fear in one little line. After 3 failed iuis, 5 failed IVF transfers and a miscarriage, the two little lines after transfer number 8 made me cry my eyes out with relief and happiness. I’d like to see someone capture all that in a photo… 🙂

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    1. I don’t have an issue with the needles or injections. I get 7 a week alone for allergy shots. But I think you’re one in few who actually likes doing them. 😉 I agree that the pregnancy tests are the worst! But if successful, they can also be the best.

      Like

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