Plans. We’ve Got Plans.

Ah! We’ve FINALLY got some plans. We’ve been debating. Going back and forth on what we want to do next.

The last failed IVF really shook us up. It wasn’t easy. They’re never easy and I wasn’t entirely sure this second one would work, but you always hope that it’s going to be the time. And when we got the call that we were pregnant, I was anxiously hopeful. I’ve never before heard the words,” Congratulations, you’re officially pregnant!” I knew it could go either way because of the numbers, but it really stung to hear we had an early loss. I remember saying {okay crying} to Jordan when I told him the news, “I can’t do this anymore. I just can’t keep doing this.” And at the time, I meant it. But somehow, you pick yourself back up and just keep going through each day {I’ll admit that running off to Hawaii really helps}. You start thinking that you maybe can do it again someday.

We had planned on going through with embryo adoption if the second IVF was not a success. {Long story short, people like us, who have had successful IVFs donate their embryos and people can adopt them.} But we both started to get this nagging feeling that maybe we weren’t quite ready for that step. It’s not that we’re so set on having a biological child. We are both in the realm that genetics do not make a family – love makes a family. But we just got this feeling that our story wasn’t totally done yet.

So, we threw around a million ideas. Do we do donor egg? Do we adopt embryos? Do we go someplace else? We decided to call our clinic and just ask them one more time what they thought about our case. The main doctor at our clinic called us back at 9:30 p.m. on a Wednesday {which I thought was super impressive and awesome because it wasn’t an emergency} to talk us through what he thought all had happened with our last two IVFs. {side note: he hasn’t been our doctor for the past two cycles although we’re at the same clinic, but we will be switching to him now. nothing at all against our previous doctor, she has a really wonderful bedside manner, but my direct attitude just jives better with the new doctor and our case is a unique one.}

Here are the quick takeaways from the phone conversation: 

  1. He thinks I was still too stimulated the last two rounds even though my hormone levels were good. With PCOS, you make a lot of eggs and you’r easily stimulated by the shots, but that’s not always a good thing. It can hurt the quality of the eggs. He wants to cut my dosage in half and shoot for maybe 8 good embryos in the end and 10 eggs or so, so that the quality is much better.On paper I was always ideal, but I am unique in that it was still too much medicine.
  2. I was pregnant in May, and while it was a loss, it does tell us that I am at least able to get pregnant {staying pregnant, not sure yet}.
  3. I should get fatter. Ha! No seriously, though, I’m to increase my healthy fats because fat is important for good eggs.

We felt really good after the call so we decided to meet with him to discuss further.

Here are the takeaways from the consult: 

  1. If we move forward with a 3rd IVF, we’ll cut the dosages in half to produce better quality eggs.
  2. We will go through with endometriosis surgery in August. Based on my symptoms, he thinks there is a 40-50%, or more that I have it in addition to the PCOS. Sometimes the surgery improves things and outcomes, sometimes it doesn’t, but he wants to leave no stone unturned at this point.
  3. If we start doing the cycle and it’s not going well, he’s going to cancel the whole thing. He said we’ve been through enough and doesn’t want to waste our time and money.
  4. I’ll be tested for immune disorders. We have transferred 3 good embryos in all of this and only one stuck and we lost it, so he wants to make sure that I don’t also have an implantation issue {aka carrying a baby}.
  5. I’ll continue supplements and vitamins, as will Jordan.
  6. I’m to increase my fat intake, and up my BMI and weight a little bit. He said it was fine, I’m not underweight,  {in fact, I’ve already gained from the fertility drugs}, but again, at this point, let’s just do all that we can. It’s not the reason we haven’t been successful, but it could help egg quality. I asked my previous doctor about this before and she had always said it was fine, but to each their own so I’m happy to follow his protocol by eating some ice cream and blocks of cheese. When cheese is encouraged, count me in. I explained to him that I’ve always been small {which can also be a symptom of endo}, but we’re just trying to eliminate everything at this point. I hate how defensive that might all sound, but I just wouldn’t want anyone to think I wasn’t doing my part previously to have a baby. I would go to the ends of the earth and gain 100 pounds if I needed to do so. And trust me, I’ve already been doing well on the direction to eat more ice cream, ha! I took that one real seriously.
  7. Saline sonogram in July. Just checks the health of my uterus.
  8. Focus on no more than running 6 miles a week, but lots of walks and yoga! Yoga is very good for fertility so that’s good to know I can continue that exercise.
  9. Add baby aspirin before next cycle to help with implantation.

We love him and we love this plan. I have a little bit of hope again and we have decided to try ONE more fresh cycle with my eggs before moving onto any donor situation.

We’re aiming for November, Thanksgiving time frame again. It takes 3 months for new eggs to be impacted so I’d like to have a solid 3 months to do more testing, take all my vitamins, cut out toxins, caffeine and alcohol. So if I refuse a glass of wine or don’t touch a receipt because I’m worried about the quality of my eggs, would you just roll with me and know that I’m going to be a little weird for the next few months?

Phew. That was long. Sorry. Meanwhile, I’ll keep everyone updated on testing and procedures/how we’re doing emotionally. I might finally be ready to write about certain things, but it still hurts. I’m doing better than before, but it’s never easy and triggers are all over the place. Thank you for the constant support!

 

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