Just Sleep On It

“Just sleep on it. It’ll come to you.”

Words of wisdom from my husband, that truthfully, I thought were a load of BS when he initially said it. “Sleep on it!? That’s not going to help!” is what I told him.

These are the words he repeated to me the entire month of September, when I was going back and forth on a daily basis about our next step in our fertility journey. We put down a deposit for a 3rd IVF, but I kept thinking about possibly 3 more egg retrievals {though mini} and more transfers. What if they failed? What if it’s a waste? I hopped back and forth in my mind about embryo adoption. We know I can get pregnant since our chemical in May, maybe we should re-look at embryo adoption.

This was the constant internal struggle I had daily in September. I was the most stressed I had been in our fertility journey as far as being at a crossroads. Whenever I would think these thoughts out loud Jordan would say, “I don’t know what to do either. Let’s sleep on it. It’ll come to us.”

Much to our shock, surprise, excitement and again, shock, it did come to us. But it wasn’t a decision we had to make.

I got a positive pregnancy test on our anniversary, September 24. Days before we would start our 3rd and final round of IVF.

I started at the stick for hours. Analyzing. Knowing it was wrong. It had to be. How could it be right? It was a very light line and on a brand of test that is known to have evaporation lines. No way was it right. I showed Jordan when he woke up and his words, “No way. No way can that be right.” I said, “Agreed. I’ll pee on another and we’ll call the doctor for a blood test to be sure.”

I got the blood test and sure enough, my levels were positive. I wasn’t even sure how many days past ovulation I was because for once in my life I wasn’t tracking anything. We had to wait two days to see if it doubled. It did. And then it doubled again. I was put on some medicine for my PCOS and my Factor V Leiden {still didn’t get away with no shots  – daily shot throughout pregnancy!}.

This. Was. Real. 

We had a six week ultrasound that showed a 6 week old baby with a heartbeat of 107. A great first sign. We had an ultrasound at 7 and 8 weeks, both times baby had a heartbeat of 120 and then 150. We got to hear the baby’s heartbeat yesterday and it was probably the most beautiful sound I’ve ever heard. I must have listened to it 100 times. {Sorry, Amy, a Peppermint Patty candy breaking is now a close second to Baby K’s heartbeat.}

We’ve graduated from the Fertility Clinic and are regular OB patients now. I’ll still be seeing a high risk OB for the Factor V, but so far, we’re officially still pregnant. 11 weeks last Monday. I think the shock is finally starting to wear off and excitement kick in, but for the longest time I felt like I was living a dream.

We are thrilled, blessed, anxious and excited to welcome a Baby Kimble June 5.

I am sorry for keeping this a secret on the blog, I know I have some followers that aren’t family who don’t know yet, but pregnancy after infertility is no joke. I was very anxious the first few weeks. The years of infertility, failed treatments and chemical pregnancy did a number on me and by no means am I complaining, but I have had moments of pure anxiety thinking about how I will cope if something happens. You see, we’re so used to the bad in the infertility world, it can be sometimes difficult to accept the good. I am doing better now and am feeling less nervous. Once you’re pregnant, your past does not go away and it’s unfortunately, changed who I am and my experience being pregnant. Some for the good and some for the bad.

I also want to say this – I know people hear these stories “all the time.” {I put that in air quotes because it happens much less often than we hear, I am in the 1% category.} Suddenly becoming pregnant before or after a fertility treatment. I am not sure why this has happened now (possibly my laparoscopy surgery in August), but I can tell you it was not because we went on vacation, not because we relaxed, not because I wasn’t on hormones, not because I wasn’t thinking about it or not because I “let go.” You can’t let go of a dream so big. While I know this story may provide hope for some, it may not for others. Hearing stories about spontaneous pregnancy wasn’t easy for me when I was going through infertility treatments, so please, if you’re going to ‘tell’ my story, be careful with whom you are sharing and what they are experiencing in their life right now. My story is not their story, and their story is not another’s.

I’ll continue to blog, keep you all updated on the pregnancy, but also will write about what it’s like to be pregnant after infertility. I’ll continue to write about my infertility experiences, too, because helping people by sharing has become an important part of my life.

Thank you for the love, support and hope. We are ever so appreciative.

And thank you to my husband for most beautiful words of wisdom BS I’ve ever heard.

“Just sleep on it.”

Advertisements

11 thoughts on “Just Sleep On It

  1. Ashley, about a month ago I found your blog for the first time. I went all the way back to the beginning and read it all the way through. Although your situation doesn’t apply to my family, Ive been praying for you guys. Every post I read, my heart broke with you, I cheered you on, and now I am overjoyed at your pregnancy news. It’s been a really hard road and you’ve made it to the finish line! I’m so glad you kept going when you wanted to give up or try alternative methods. I know that you and your husband will be wonderful and loving parents, and your baby will have a wonderful life! From the bottom of my heart, congratulations to the both of you, you’ve definitely earned it. 💚💚

    Like

    1. Hi Angelene – This is the sweetest comment! You’ve made me tear up. In a good way. Thank you so much for following and supporting. It means a lot that people have followed our story and that I can bring comfort, insight, etc. to others. Seriously can’t say how much that means to me!

      Like

  2. AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! PRAISE GOD!!!! I’ve been praying for you!!!!!! THIS IS SO EXCITING!!!!!!
    I will keep praying, but how fantastic that now I’m praying for a healthy pregnancy!! EEEEEEP!

    Okay, very happy for you.
    Congrats.

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s