Somewhere Over the Rainbow

Rocking Violet to sleep in our nursery is one of my favorite parts of the day. I sing her songs while I rock her and feed her a bottle. Usually, she likes “You Are My Sunshine” and “Desperado” on repeat, but today, she was particularly fussy and I sang “Somewhere Over the Rainbow” instead. At the moment, I wasn’t sure why the song came to me, but as I was singing along with Judy Garland to my nugget, the significance of the day hit me.

It’s the day my Grandpa Brott passed away 12 years ago after a long battle with cancer. Shortly before he passed away, he became obsessed with building these bluebird houses and now, the song and bluebirds, always makes me think of him.

With Violet here, I often think about how my Grandpa would react if he had been able to meet her. I can picture bringing her to him in his chair in the corner {along with a handful of M&Ms} to meet him for the first time. I also think, that without him here, how will she learn the difference between “a couple” and “a few?” {an important lesson when you’re taking your Grandpa M&Ms.} Who is going to teach her about hot air balloons? Who is going to teach her “Little Worm” and take her to Cracker Barrel? How will she learn how to secretly open her Christmas presents before her turn without him here to teach her? These are the things I miss. These are the things that make me wish she was able to create her own memories with her Great Grandpa. I know I was blessed to have 18 years with him, but the selfish in me wishes for more years. More days. More hours.

It’s funny. I didn’t connect the dots before tonight. Until I was sitting there, singing the song to my “rainbow baby” {a baby born following a miscarriage, stillborn, neonatal death or infant loss} thinking about my Grandpa. Maybe he’s not here with us today.  Maybe I can’t introduce him to my rainbow baby. But something tells me he knows all about her already.

He’s been that bluebird flying over her long before I knew she existed.

“Somewhere over the rainbow, bluebirds fly. Birds fly over the rainbow.” 

Miss you, Grandpa.


{photo from my cousin rick – hope you don’t mind I stole this from you! it’s just one of the ways we remember him the most}



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